Finding Confidence. Finding My Voice.

My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears.

That familiar sensation of dread crept into focus the moment the facilitator said, “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”

It was such a simple ask — name, role, maybe a sentence about what brought you here.

Adrenaline was pumping.

Heat flushed my cheeks.

My breath quickened.

Palms dampened.

I stared at the person speaking, nodding politely.

But, I honestly couldn’t hear a word they said.

All I could think about was my turn coming closer.

Why did something so simple feel so hard?

For me, it was fear. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being seen.

As a child, I was painfully shy, yet I could never quite fade into the background.

In every classroom photo until high school, there I was — the only person of color in a sea of white, born of segregation.

I learned early that being seen could be uncomfortable… even unsafe.

Without realizing it, I carried that lesson into adulthood. When I spoke up, a flicker of that old fear returned.

My voice would quiver, tentative and faltering.

But confidence, I’ve since learned, isn’t something you’re born with — it’s built over time.

Through my professional journey, I’ve learned to face that fear, find surety in my voice, and take up space with intention. I no longer hide. I speak with certainty, with clarity, and with the confidence that comes from finally reclaiming my voice.

After becoming a coach, I learned that I wasn’t alone in my discomfort. Even senior and executive-level leaders - people with decades of experience - often feel that same sense of dread. They know they must speak, but sometimes they hate every minute.

So how can we shift from fear to confidence?

Techniques That Help

1. Unpack and Name the Fear
   Begin by identifying what’s generating the anxiety. For some, it’s a fear of judgment. For others, it’s perfectionism. For still others, it’s an old message—like mine—that makes them want to shrink. Understanding and naming it is the first step toward taking control.

2. Reframe the Spotlight
   One of the most effective tools I teach is what I call “the spotlight technique.” Instead of imagining all eyes on you in an interrogation-style spotlight, shine that light onto your words and your audience. When you focus on the topic and on connecting with others in the room, the self-imposed pressure can ease.

3. Celebrate Small Wins
   Like any skill, self-compassion and confidence grow with every use. I’ve seen clients move from hating these kinds of introductions to actively seeking out public speaking opportunities. The more you practice these moments of building confidence in low-stakes settings, the more natural they become.

Being confident doesn’t mean you’re never afraid. Being confident helps you manage fear so it doesn’t manage you.

If you’d like support in growing greater confidence as a leader, I’d love to help. You can always schedule time to connect with me!